For the first time since I was 16, I went to a psychiatrist. I struggle with ADHD, and lately, as I’ve reentered the job market, with my fear of disappointing my fellow coworkers, I’ve decided to take the leap back and talk about my options for help.

But that's just what I tell most people, friends and family, out of fear of vulnerability.

Here is the real story:

I am a bit hyperindependent when it comes to receiving help for anything that has to do with the mental.

Since waking up one random day at 22 after a crowded night out, feeling entirely alone, I’ve taken extreme measures to change my habits, attitude, and, therefore, my life.

At 23, I took a leap and moved from Chicago to Los Angeles because a friend simply asked.

At 24, I took my years of yoga to the next level and began meditating. And prioritized walking 10,000 steps a day.

At 25, I thought I finally had it all together (how ironic and such a twenty-year-old mindset).

When I moved to California, I stopped smoking and using it to depend on sleeping, drinking, and partying every weekend (every once in a while, though, because life is short and I love to dance), and I truthfully cut a lot of time with friends, old and new, because I was using them to avoid reflection.

During these years, I started reading, mostly nonfiction self-help and philosophy books. Starting with, of course, The Alchemist, but then somehow stumbling upon The Everybody Ensemble by Amy Leach and Awareness by Anthony de Mello.

Then I stumbled upon an Instagram Live with Florence Pugh, and at the perfect moment, I heard her explain why she doesn’t dwell on sad music. A spark struck. Words of melancholy tunneled through my ears and embedded themselves deep in my brain, constantly validating my dark thoughts. So I changed my music habits. No sad music on repeat!

The cherry on top: I discovered a love for podcasts, including Mel Robbins (best for career advice, habit formation, and a fuck-it attitude), Jay Shetty (best for love and relationships), and Brené Brown (for learning about our emotions and the people around us).

With a love for my new self and gratitude at the forefront of my life at 26, I took another leap, moving to Scotland to pursue my master’s degree at the University of Glasgow and to fulfill my dream of becoming a writer.

I met people from all across the world and had the best year of my life. I found my motto:

Open Mind, Open Heart.

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But then, at 27, I had to move back to the United States, and a new form of depression found me. Numbness returned as the sense of failure set in.

While I was getting my master’s, I was writing a book on Cancel Culture and thought I would finish it by the time the new year started, but instead, I haven’t found the motivation to write since July 2025. I started working the same kind of advertising job I had thought I had left behind when I went to Scotland.

For the past few months, I have been unrecognizable. I stopped writing and reading, and I stopped doing what made me, well, me. I was completely infatuated by someone I met in Scotland, and they didn’t feel the same, so I started the sad music journey again.

I kept gratitude close to my heart, but the veil of sadness swept over my achievements, and I couldn’t find what had not only motivated me but also made me feel so relentless and equally light for the last 5 years.

However, I will not let my motto be overshadowed, and I refuse to abandon my dreams. Therefore, I sought help from others, something I hadn’t done since I was a teenager.

Once again, we're embarking on an exciting journey of self-discovery. One of the simple yet meaningful tasks she assigned me was to create a Joy List. I smiled as she assigned me this simple sheet, just as I did when I was 24, in my new room in California.

Again, here we are, at 27, in my new room in California.

Here is my Joy List

Daily:

• Morning walks

• Listening to music

• Drinking coffee

• Making a meal

• Eating dessert

• Getting lost in my thoughts

• Talking to my best friend

• Scrolling on the phone

• Saying thank you to the plants (I really do this one, no performative actions here)

Weekly:

• Watching a show

• Trying something new (cooking/food)

• Getting coffee from my favorite or a new place

• FaceTime my parents/siblings

• Going to the beach

• Buying fresh flowers

• Going to the gym (2 to 3 times)

• Going to the farmers’ market

• Listening to classical music

• Grocery shopping

• Hanging out with my friends

• Seeing a movie at the theater

Monthly:

• Traveling to a new city and exploring for the day

• Using my camera

• Eating at a new restaurant

• Going on a hike

• Talking to my friends abroad

• Finishing a book

Every six months:

• Vacationing

• Visiting family

• Trying a new hobby

• Letting my emotions seep in

• Dreaming

Now listen, this isn’t groundbreaking work. You most likely aren’t going to write this and have an a-ha moment that gives you an unbreakable will to live.

But. It does help you get out of your own head for a short time.

It does remind you of the most important lesson in happiness in this life: gratitude.

It doesn’t make your ego flourish or pump pride in your chest, and it doesn’t lift any dark veils.

It simply makes you smile, and sometimes that is enough for the day.

Why not take just 15 minutes today or tomorrow to jot down your list? I’d love to hear it too.

Oh, how you make my soul feel as if it’s dancing towards a fire of unknown consumption.

Twirling towards warmth or in a trance to ashes, I do not know.

Oh, how I do not want to know, yet I cannot stop. I will not stop. I must stop.

It is not my feet that sway, it is not my mind that counts, my arms do not fly of whimsy, my heart cannot stop.

Beating and beating.

The beat will not go.

Oh, it is my soul.

Engulfed in your waves of glow.

I burn.

Oh, how I dance, and I dance.

Sunrise. Sunlight. Sunset.

“It is not a mouth thirsting nor on empty hand stretched forth, but rather a heart englamed and a soul enchanted.”

“…beauty is life when life unveils her holy face. But you are life and you are the veil. Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror. But you are eternity and you are the mirror.”

Always lovely to read, hear, and relearn that you are beautiful. And how wonderful to be told that beauty is eternity, that you are. People can often shy away from words written years ago, but how relevant they still are.

For what seems like two worlds apart, the biggest lessons are still needed.

In a world filled with abundance, how crazy it is that so many of us still don’t know what we want, chase our desires, and how loopy we must be to so often sit and ignore what speaks to us so earnestly.

How crazy it is that we have failed each other so many times that the thought of shame, embarrassment, and failure of others is what we draw back to first. That a society this advanced has yet to discover the basics of understanding each other, of seeing the beauty in each other.

We too frequently fail ourselves. I have lost track now of how many moments I have made myself cry, cringe, isolate, or worse, project because I have ignored my heart’s calls.

Too many moments playing another’s game, having them move your piece, and for what? Why? For those who have not grown into your charm. What’s the actual point?

Is it easier to be sad? Is it easier to fear our own capability? How hard is it to admire ourselves? It's so effortless to admire others.

A heart englamed and a soul enchanted.

So Marvelous.

Now Enjoy:

It torments me,

can’t you see?

Don’t you know?

You feel it,

I know.

You must…

I hope.

The moons glow,

What does it mean for you?

Does it fill your veins with ice

and your mind with snow?

Do you feel it?

The shivers up your spine

Obeyed goosebumps

Are you cold?

Do you remember?

Oh God,

Why don’t you know?

I would crawl to you,

rain, wind, or snow.

Rain, wind, or snow.

Rain, wind, or snow.

Do you remember yet?

Reflective glow.

I’m ice-cold.

And, like many of the Valley’s leaders, he seemed still to be living in an alternate universe where platforms are neutral vessels with no role in shaping users’ experiences, where the only real-world consequences is that somebody might get offended, and where society should appreciate the wisdom of allowing Holocaust-denial to flourish.

—Max Fischer in the Chaos Machine

This is going to be a thought dump. Out of my ordinary posting, but I am hoping everyone will leave their opinions and thoughts for genuine conversation.

I don’t know where the line is between individual responsibility and the United States government finally creating policies for Social Media platforms.

Specifically, I am looking directly at the dismantling of Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, which allows all media corporations to avoid being held responsible. Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act is the foundation of U.S. platform governance. Originally designed to promote free speech and encourage innovation, it states:

Essentially, this means that the law protects platforms from being held responsible for content created by their users. For example, if a user on TikTok posts hate speech or spreads harmful content, TikTok itself cannot be held liable for those actions, even if others attempt to take legal action. Therefore, for platforms, this means they can hold a variety of content, even if controversial, and not face any legal consequences.

There is only so much we as the people can do when there are no rules for Reddit, X, Meta, etc. They have total control over their companies and the rules on their apps, which are designed to make everyone addicted and post more, so you spend as much time on their apps as possible, and they get money.

They create algorithms and use AI, so they worry less about manually checking those algorithms, and they push all of us into rabbit holes, also known as filter bubbles, so we become addicted. All this has been proven by the way by many researchers, engineers, and scientists, because extreme content makes you addicted.

You find your ‘out group’ community makes you feel seen, allows you to feel like you have control over your life, and yup, you got it, keeps you addicted. Then, because you find your group, your beliefs get shared; you feel a virtual hug instead of a real hug; and you all flourish together in online shame mobs against your choice of an out-group. You become only interested in your online world, finally fully resenting the real world. This may seem extreme, but we all know it exists. We see the effects of it around the world every day.

The cherry on top of it all is that you have minor consequences when certain posts are taken down for the keywords used. Words indicating hate speech, bullying, etc.

Why is this the cherry on top? Because this creates the illusion of control, leadership, and consequences from our big tech officials.

Or we also have real-life examples of people trying to share these online in-group beliefs with an outsider in the real world, and they flag that individual down in person. Thus, only creates further isolation for that person because, of course, it makes them madder, and then we know what comes next.

The lovely First Amendment is hooted and hollered for all to hear.

The fact that we think there is any freedom of speech is a whole other conversation in itself (surprise: we don’t have it). But my concern here is where that line is.

It is the current question I want people to chime in with their thoughts.

1. When do we start looking at the individual and demanding that they have the decency not to fall into the social media rabbit hole?

2. Is it a lack of media literacy skills?

Not understanding that algorithms are pushing them into bubbles. But when do we lay down the land and say hey look, you have to understand that YouTube is showing you far-right extreme videos and conspiracy videos because you made the search, “the first amendment” looking to understand the debate more, but then you clicked on the next queued video showing you why Liberals are trying to destroy our human rights.

3. When is it, or is it ever, up to the individual not to click?

4. Can we blame them at all, or is this all YouTube’s (and the other social media platforms fault)?

Both parties fall into deep pockets. I also find myself getting so consumed by rage at certain beliefs, but once that anger bubbles from its elementary level to any radical feeling, that is when I stop, exit the app, and check back in with reality. I am keeping in mind, though, that this is my Master’s degree and my passion for my book that I am writing. But full transparency, I do toggle back and forth with the big question of why.

5. Why can’t so many take themselves out of the online world and take time to learn media literacy skills?

The United States, social media CEOs, Silicon Valley, and politicians are not going to be helping us anytime soon. We will not see social media policy changes in the near future. That is why we must ask ourselves where the line is on individual responsibility in our online world and in our user behavior.

Public apologies might be a performance, but they’re also a measure of our values and can actually help those values spread

— Explained

This self-help fluff of belonging isn’t breaking your jaw into a flat-out drop, I know, yet there is a correlation here with finding your people, pissing others right off, and refusing apologies.

Why do we apologize?

When do we expect and accept apologies? What makes an apology a good one, and what makes a public apology a worthy one? The Netflix show Explained, in its episode Apologies, narrated by KeKe Palmer, explores this new age. In just 30 minutes, they highlight the challenges of giving authentic apologies, the reasons public apologies often miss the mark, and the impact of sincere remorse. It dives into everything we need to understand about ourselves in both worlds. Real and Online.

Bringing on Karina Schumann, a social psychologist and apology expert, they dive into the key elements of making an apology sincere and why we often miss some of the seven markers in our apologies. We want to do the right thing; we want others to feel safe with us, but we can’t help but protect our egos. We want to be good people. We also want to view those around us, even on the Internet, as good, as it is a measure of our principles.

Ms. Palmer beautifully ends the episode, making it clear that apologies spread our values. Apologies are the window into our moral beliefs, and these standards spread socially through agreement, repetition, and social pressure.

That Sorry Was BullS*

Max Fischer in the Chaos Machine hits User You right in the gut, calling out our rage-biting, outrage-ridden selves by showcasing sentimentalism. He highlights how morality is portrayed in pop culture and also directly hints that we like to believe our morality emerges from our high-minded selves, “the better angels of our nature, the enlightened mind.”

We want to believe that we are serving a social purpose by punishing transgressors or by being a good person, but these moral-emotional choices make us irrational and trigger us, eventually leading us down a path of extremist behavior.

You know in your heart that You and your followers wouldn’t do such an action, so when User You sees that wrongdoing in action, the emotional response is quick. People typically experience a gut reaction of disgust, anger, or approval when encountering a moral issue. This intuition produces an immediate sense that something is right or wrong before any conscious thought, and before you know it, User You is typing away.

So when another User in our User World, when PopCrave posts about Celebrity X, or when a political statement gets released and it goes against our moral values, judgment hits fast. The judgment (“this is wrong,” “they’re bad,” “they deserve punishment”) arrives before thought.

User You chimes in to explain why the person is bad. And when necessary, show why our outrage sounds necessary rather than emotional. And because we are nothing but social butterflies and good Samaritans, it signals to the group to join in, because moral judgment is a social link, and others’ agreement is our moral evidence. When our group agrees, add comments themselves, and once that bad egg target is morally condemned, their punishment feels deserved and even pleasurable.

And because moral judgment is intuitive and socially reinforced, apologies are often evaluated not as acts of repair but as threats to a settled moral verdict.

When someone apologizes, others might see it not as a way to fix things but as a challenge to the moral decisions already made. This makes it seem as if refusing to forgive is more about a moral duty than about being unkind.

Bewitched?

No,

I did not fall under any spell.

Oh no,

They do not know.

I am not consumed.

I am not obsessed.

You see,

I know.

I know I was born to be entirely yours.

For you have always known my soul.

I am yours.

In This Life and The Next.

Infinitely Yours.

Okay, now read it again. But while listening to this for dramatic Wuthering Heights / Pride & Prejudice romantic vibes:

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Daydreaming, manifesting, or scenario creation—we all do it—for many of us, it keeps us sane, and for others, it may make them insane. You know what they say: 10,000 hours to be a master; well, let me tell you, I have mastered the skill of daydreaming.

I take long walks, four to six miles each day, and I will blab around telling any soul it’s purely health-based. Gathering all the facts, one would need to make the ultimate claim as to why walking a minimum of 10,000 steps a day is necessary. However, my reason for walking, my passion for it (and yes, it is one of my passions), is demanded by my mind’s consistent tugging to be lost.

Below my feet, there always seems to be a similar sketch: gray concrete with remnants of black gunk scattered, which I assume is gum, but who knows? Narrow paths surrounded by little patches of grass until it suddenly meets the wider and darker concrete. Unfortunately, the obstacle of living in cities. However, each city has its escapes. The bottom of our feet may hold a consistent picture, but our eyes, locked straight ahead or tipped above, receive eternal infrequency.

Yanking the door shut, turning the key to lock in what is most often immutable, and taking the quick steps to the upcoming corner, where new possibilities lie ahead. My mind takes control, tugging my body outdoors to get lost; each walk is a vision of new. I never walk the same path two days in a row. For no other reason besides the fact that once I hit that corner turning into the opened gates of possibility, my mind plummets into wishes.

What is daydreaming, manifestation, or scenario creation if not solely what we desire? If we begin to understand ourselves by being the shrewish child asking ‘why,’ it most always concludes with wishes.

I don’t like this bleak definition at all. It saddens me whether or not the likelihood of one’s dreams is true. I could only imagine that anyone who reads this definition would feel utterly dull inside. Isn’t that the opposite feeling of what dreaming allows?

The sadness and negativity attributed to the identity of a dreamer seem fitting to this modern society, as if we should not dream.

Look at what has come to places where our dreams should be born and flourish:

As if corporate leaders, scientists, mathematicians, and anyone outside the entertainment bubble are not themselves individuals who dream. But if you’re reading this now, tell me, you must dream, don’t you?

It seems like there are still too many definitions, identifiers, ideas, and attitudes today that strip beauty. Oh, how our dreams speak to us now; how they ache in our hearts and settle in our minds, pushed to the shadows of neglect and disappointment.

It is not our reality that shoves them aside, to places we see as ruined, but the reality of others opposed to us. How deeply negativeity is shown to each other, to the point where our dictionaries seep into the ploy of those who have let go of the loves attached to their dreams.

The beauty erased for one only ripples the pond for others to bear witness and follow the same path. A depressing pond, indeed. How do we allow ourselves to bring color, light, and hope back into our lives if not through our dreams? If we do not feed what speaks to our minds and hearts, then we will not swim, and if we don’t keep moving, then those around us in our community will also stop. A stagnant pond turns murky.

So let us all call upon our own definition.

Dreamer:

A person who spends a lot of time thinking about the enjoyable parts of their life, past, present, or future, and brings beauty, joy, and hope

A definition by McKenna Joy Cupidro

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People are flawed and imperfect; they can be both good and bad. Because of this, we have a rich history of exploration. Diving into an abyss of psychology, biology, sociology, philosophy, and more. All of it, just to understand our behaviours, thoughts, and actions on a level that could bring us any type of comfort amid the madness. Lately, there has been a lot of madness. Seeking answers to our behaviours is how we start to find solutions to bigger issues. Even if those issues are as simple as finding joy again. Time and time again, it seems as if we are all just hoping to find fulfillment.

Yet we keep ignoring the biggest, baddest, most detrifying affair to any kind of fulfillment, personal or social.

The Internet.

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When it comes to our online personas, we tend to, well, let’s say, put that love for reflection, growth, and bettering ourselves on pause. Truthfully, it’s still new, advancing what feels like every day, each app has its own vibe, and to fathom the logistics of laws in our Online World for our Userselves still feels insanely Dystopian.

For User You, let me give you a nudge into the abyss of understanding ourselves better.

Let’s talk about Moral disengagement. This is essentially the 'why' behind why we in the Real World or now in our Online world harm. Moral Disengagement, developed by Albert Bandura, explains in simple terms how people can rationalize and engage in harmful behavior. Grasping Bandura’s disengagement mechanism means asking: What is the cognitive process people go through to behave without morals and not feel distress from their unethical actions?

This theory has eight pillars that sit in four categories reflecting the process of moral self-regulation, each giving insight into why and how moral disengagement operates within us. The Four Categories:

1. The Behavioural Locus

2. The Agency Locus

3. The Outcome Locus

4. The Victim Locus

Now diving into each Pillar,

The Behavioural Locus

1. Moral, Social, and Economic Justification

   → This is when someone believes they are doing a public service to the victim.

   Something said would be,

   → “Toughen up”

2. Euphemistic labelling

   →This is disguising harmful language with “sanitizing” language to conceal their true nature,

   → “I’m just joking”

3. Advantageous comparison

   → When someone is contrasting with worse behaviours

   → “Well, I’m not murdering anyone”

   

The Agency Locus

4. Displacement of responsibility

   → “Others made me do it”

   → I’m a victim too mindset.

5. Diffusion of responsibility

   → “Why am I being singled out? They did it too”

   

The Outcome Locus

6. Distortion of consequences

   → Reducing one’s own guilt by downplaying the consequences

   → “Nothing reallllyyy happened. They’re fine, right?”

   

The Victim Locus

7. Dehumanization

   → Believing the person to be less worthy of respect and empathy

   → “They don’t belong here anyways”

8. Attribution of blame

   → Your actions are reactive

   → “They shouldn’t have acted that way…It’s their fault”

I won’t discuss all eight pillars in full; however, I thought it was important to note them all, as different explanations can be given for why people tend to justify their unethical online actions and beliefs.

The Moral Disengagement Theory helps us better understand our thoughts. We have all given an excuse for why we acted the way we did. When I actively participated in online bullying as a teenager on apps like Ask.fm, Facebook, or YikYak, I said my actions were reactions (Attribution of blame).

This theory concerns our decision-making and how we convince ourselves that our harmful actions are acceptable or even good.

At the Locus of our moral behaviours, Bandura gives us three main reasons why we believe our actions to be acceptable: Persuading ourselves that harmful actions are necessary to achieve a positive goal, minimizing our harm by comparing it to something worse, and using complicated terms to make harmful behaviour sound better. These reasons are executed through the pillars in the categories.

For example, in the Behavioural Locus, in the Advantageous comparison pillar, we will use the three executions in relation to Cancel Culture:

1. Necessary good

   → My TikTok video pointing out and shaming what User X did is good because I am letting the people know what wrong action they made. We should expose User X. My own action of making a video is minor compared to what User X did. Therefore, my action of cancellation is a lesser evil. My lesser evil is acceptable.

2. Legitimizing by comparison

   → I am making an Instagram account to smear the image of Brand Y for the larger societal issue of sexism. My account is a necessary action to prevent the moral issue of sexism. My actions are necessary because abuse is a larger societal issue that is worse than my actions.

3. Sanitizing terminology

   → We, as a society, are holding Person Z accountable. Our actions of online shaming through tweets and comments are morally justified because we are “calling out” and “educating” Person Z. Our actions are not harmful but helpful for them to learn. We, as an online community, decided.

By applying this framework to cancel culture, we can better understand how our moral reasoning can be distorted and how we even enable collective harm under the guise of justice. It’s crucial we take a step back and examine how we as individuals operate and justify our own wrongdoings.

Again, it’s natural and human to make mistakes.

I responded to online bullying with more online bullying, and I gave myself the okay to do so because I was framing my actions as a way to protect myself. The harm I caused by my own actions and words was justified because I was retaliating for their wrongdoing. I believed they deserved their own treatment back, but guess what? I never felt good about it. I didn’t make those anonymous comments, knowing that they knew it was me, and felt like I was a good person after.

Attacking the attacker, justifying an attack because one never feels good, and goes against our broader values of being a good person. Moral Disengagement Theory explains how we disconnect from our values to avoid guilt and shame. I wanted to feel morally okay at the moment when I hit send on their profile, attacking them back. So I let myself morally justify my actions by shifting the blame, ‘They deserved it,” I thought.

Our rationalizations allow us to contradict our values without immediate discomfort. This theory shows how we justify our actions, which can help us better understand ourselves. It reveals our patterns of rationalizing our behaviours, allowing us to see how we cope with moral conflict. By understanding this theory, we can become more self-aware and look more closely into our values, not only for User You but also for real You.

Think of how popular it is now to reflect on our Attachment Styles after the book Attached by Rachel S. F. Heller. When we look at our habitual patterns of behaviour and coping mechanisms, we can see how underlying psychological processes shape us. Our attachment styles reflect how we relate to others based on early experiences (e.g., secure, anxious, avoidant, disorganized), and these styles influence how we respond to emotional challenges and interpersonal conflicts.

Moral Disengagement reflects how we navigate ethical dilemmas and justify our actions in the face of interpersonal conflicts, such as guilt or cognitive dissonance. It explains how we protect ourselves psychologically.

These frameworks of thinking offer us a tool for self-reflection. Attached by Heller helped us grow, improving our relationships, rebuilding our framework to love and be loved. Moral disengagement as a self-reflection tool can help us act more consistently with our values and recognize when we rationalize harmful behaviour. We, as people, now have the beautiful luxury of looking more deeply into ourselves and healing traumas that may even run deep into our family history. We can heal ourselves and the future by finding ways to process and respond to internal or external conflict that avoids conflict.

You and User You can choose a better future, and it starts now with paying attention to what’s happening on the Internet. You can find joy again, and controlling User You’s time, intention, and behavior is how we reconnect with the good.

Today is The Day You Give Yourself A Gift.

I’m up at night scrolling on my phone with slight disgust.

Daily, I’m left in a state of perplexity with humankind. And you know what that seems so silly to even type out. I am aware of that! I, a wee girl, am left perplexed by humankind...what does that even mean? I’m only 27, damnit. Yet I can’t help it.

As I watch so many people act selfishly, without thought of anyone around them. I see the representation of our political leaders being vile and greedy. But what makes me put the phone down are the thousands of comments from those who still defend their behavior. The constant toll of both sides fighting like never before. And the overall total erosion of trust in our political leaders... oh my. Where do we begin?

I often don’t know if I feel sick to my stomach or meet pity. Nonetheless, disregarding the general state of our social media apps and politics, our User Version of ourselves still leaves me distraught. People around me leave me really, really, really damn confused.

I wonder why we’re all so different? Why can so many people not care about others ‘ well-being? Genuinely, we smile less, confide in our own minds, ignoring everyone around us. Even during coffee runs and in long queues, our headphones are so devotedly buried in our ears. Some post nonstop, wanting a version of themselves to be seen. Others never post, never wanting to be in sight. Somehow, I believe we all feel so alone.

Aside from my headphones always in and my love of confiding in my own mind, I grew up in a different kind of traditional household. One that never let me truly be alone.

For me, I don’t understand why I wouldn’t cross oceans and climb mountains, or bleed for people whom I have just met? The User version of me also doesn’t understand leaving nasty comments on strangers’ posts. Or what’s wrong with throwing one too many hearts at anyone’s posts? I know how that might sound to many. How egotistical some might say, a wannabe martyr. And truthfully, I initially wrote ‘Why am I so different?’ and duhhh I immediately deleted it. I saw the flooding of comments and mocking echoes of ‘Pick me behavior.’ My own face scrunches up with an Ewwwaa type of judgment at the reflection question.

But you know what?

Screw that.

I smile as I walk. And when I’m in my own head, walking all sulky, I do feel regret that I didn’t pick up my head and try to give a smile. I love little bugs, and I cried because I killed a spider. I tend to give my all to brand-new friends. And for all those new people in my life, I always say yes. I do whatever they want! I stop and help strangers. I help when I can and even when I can’t. Or if I convince myself that I’m too busy to help, I feel immense guilt (for a couple of years, probably). Honestly, I genuinely enjoy being a people pleaser. You can be any Mr. Men and Little Miss you want, in the real world and online.

I am trying to achieve huge and scary entertainment writing career goals, and going live on TikTok? TikTok live folks... do you think that’s all fun and games? Um, no, it’s not. For a woman, it is brutal and sickening. I have already turned down many marriage proposals. And Guess what? I don’t do live entirely for myself. No, each time I think of my friends and family. A way to get money for them. I want to support those closest to me. I want to give them my money, my energy, my soul, and I like it.

Love being what has now been labeled as a ‘Pick me, People Pleaser,’ an emotional little miss who tries too hard. Because that’s what matters. In a way, that’s what I learned from my childhood.

Community and Kindness matter. And somehow that got lost; it gets ridiculed, and we keep pushing this narrative of a lone wolf, being tough as nails, suppressing those emotions, and locking in for the sake of succession. A man’s way. A way that has led to too much failure.

Finally, let me tell you what a real man, my brother, has taught me.

I grew up being the youngest sister, and my older brother, Michael, has Williams Syndrome, also nicknamed the kindness or happy disorder.

Individuals with Williams Syndrome are known to be extremely loving towards strangers; they love treating anyone and everyone with empathy and respect. They can literally talk up a storm with anyone. It doesn’t matter who you are or where, as long as you have two ears and one tiny thing that is semi-interesting to say.

My brother falls perfectly in that category. I would introduce my big brother to my new friends, and then immediately see him grab for their hands. Because hey, why not hold hands with a person you just met? I would watch him greet giant, boulder-shouldered men with bearish beards and give them a quick, passing compliment: "I like your look.”

I saw him in the Bahamas, talking to the locals with no concern for their accents. Personally, that one left me in disbelief. I was only sixteen and had trouble understanding what they were saying. I didn’t understand, but Mike did.

Once, he grabbed a random lady’s hand to go down the escalator, simply because he was scared. Did he frighten the women for a second? He sure did! But eventually she caught on and assisted him with a smile. Laughing to my apologizing mother and his embarrassed little sisters.

I would watch this fella move through life with love and openness, without fear of the social anxieties of strangers’ possible cruelty. He walks in his own world, smiling, and buzzing, like a bee, he would say (vocal stimming caused by happiness). He’d buzz along, sometimes flapping his arms, and I, as a child, would watch too many people stare with what I perceived as judgment. They would stare at him, and I would watch my mother stare at them right back, making sure no one hurt my beautiful brother.

And with every stare down, I was another pair of eyes added to the list. I would be there lurking below, watching everyone’s emotions play out. It always only lasted at most 30 seconds, but still, I couldn’t help but see everyone’s faces.

The most important one is Michaels; his face always smiling with excitement at being surrounded by new people. How many new friends will I meet Today?

A few years ago, I wrote in response to a writing prompt from Brené Brown on one of her Unlocking Us podcast episodes, in which she asked you to share your superpower. I wrote about the skill I have of being hyperaware of everyone’s emotions. I can walk into a room and, within seconds, know who isn’t happy. I received that gift because I grew up being protective of my family, not wanting any improper emotions to rise from unknown newcomers always staring at us, no matter where we went.

I learned very early on that you can never be too sure. I thought it was a superpower always to have my guard up, to be cautious. Ultimately, I feared the unknown attitudes of people who I thought were constantly judging not only my brother, but me. And maybe they were, we will never truly know.

What I know now, though, is that my actual superpower was the gift that I ignored for far too long, that Michael was teaching me all along.

To let go and to be kind.

We can all learn from Michael’s Philosophy:

• Embrace the people connected to the ones we love, and to dive right in with an open heart.

• Walk up to someone and throw them a compliment just because you genuinely feel it in your heart.

• Trust someone to help you.

• Talk to anyone, and do not worry about any possible boundary.

Michael Cupidro, my big, brave, and beautiful brother, is the purest embodiment of love.

Don’t be fooled, though; he can see wrongdoers and knows those who do not represent love. He will give anyone a chance, but he is watching what is going on right now and knows damn well what evil is. I started off by mentioning the current state of the world and how politically we are seeing violence and hatred spread.

Michael sees it too. Regularly, my family has conversations about the disappointment we feel as people follow those who create harm. Thus, no more than ever, is a time to share Mike’s way and rebuild on what will fill the holes in our hearts. Remember kindness ripples.

My big brother taught me the biggest lesson of this lifetime: the importance of falling in love with strangers. Everything I am today comes from the moment those self-judging, worry-filled glasses shattered, allowing me to see clearly for the first time. I finally recognized all the blessings right in front of me, including the advantages of my upbringing and the wisdom my eldest sibling shared.

He instilled in me the value of walking through life with kindness—of loving freely and openly, believing that those around us will return that love. Now, more than ever, we need community; we need each other. But that connection cannot happen until we embrace life as my very special brother does.

Technology has made us all consumers and, at the same time, producers for those of us who post online. Brands are not the only ones concerned about maintaining a good reputation. As our User-selves in the Online World, we can all benefit from being perceived as high-quality.

When the following list extends beyond friends, family, and even acquaintances we met once through a mutual friend, we are typically no better than the brands. We also value those who are deserving and of Grade A content. For example, you constantly see a singer on your fyp, you liked a few of their videos here and there, and you appreciate music. But take a moment here to weigh in on what gets you to hit that follow button. What finally brings you to their page, piques your interest, and makes you decide they are someone you want to keep track of? Was it virality, other people’s comments, or did others notice, so now you do too? Are they super cute? You go shopping for a shirt, look at the material, try it on, think about when you’ll wear it, and how often. When we shop for a new User to follow, what finally gets User You to subscribe? It seems harsh to compare a shirt to a person making content, especially when it’s connected to their passion, but that’s the whole point. In a similar sense, Jay Shetty, author of 8 Rules of Love, discusses online dating and how that has transformed finding a relationship into a form of online shopping. He highlights the fundamental issue of viewing people through our screens as products; we can throw away anyone when we feel they no longer suit us. When we are in our Online World, we, as users, value top-tier content and people. This increasingly natural occurrence in our day-to-day app usage has altered our brains. There is a disconnect in failing to see each other as people, instead viewing them as objects that can be viewed, sold, and used.

No one benefits from being perceived as not human.

In many places across the globe right now, we are seeing how an evil leader can wrap its way into the minds of thousands. I watch as they share an agenda of evil for perceived personal greed. I observe as users spread hate not just in our Online World but in every step they take. Malicious. Yet they follow someone who only makes them angrier. Why? I mean, let’s be honest, we know why. There are many books, videos, and posts that we see, which tie in psychological or sociological theories that allow us to understand why people let themselves enter into a mindset we would never dare. We understand even when we don’t want to. Many of us are frustrated with our own ongoing education on current events, which often intertwine virtues, morality, and basic human decency. While too many seem to be declining.

For us, the answers to a healthy and even high-quality life are so simple. Valuing universal healthcare, well-paid jobs, and fostering ideas of supporting one another through the community. On paper, or rather on our phones, we have it all figured out. And because we understand, because we continuously choose not to spread violence as they do, and because we always take the higher road in many ways, such as peaceful protesting and avoiding the path of violence, we will not give them the satisfaction of an explanation again. How many times can you lecture someone who does not care to listen? How can we continue to decipher why they let anger consume their spirits? What else can You or User You do that pushes people down the path of empathy?

However, as many therapists (and social media advocates) shared, we cannot change those who do not want to. They don’t want to change. We must only watch and hope that they do not continue to dampen any spark of love they might have. We can try our best to continue being embodiments of open-mindedness and open hearts. My motto, which I will continue to spread, is

Open Mind = Open Heart.

And hope that they catch on. Trust that they won’t let any form of love they might still have die in the cold shell of fear they inhabit. What I will address, though, is their leader and a question I asked myself. Who should we want to follow? Both in our Online World and our Real World. Let’s dive into how our new online world and User-Centric buyer catalogs relate to leadership, virtues, and those who resist change.

‘Why not me?’

A self-reflection question that has been brought to light in the twentieth century in the wake of consistent positive self-help narration. Also common in sports, the arts, and motivational videos that are widely shared across #hopecore. It is a question I let seep into my existence when I feel a shred of impostor syndrome. I know many of us do. So, I ask You and User You this: who should we follow?

The leader who only asks, ‘Why not me?’ Or the leader who leaps back and forth in unknowingness? The leader who sees others. The individual who takes their actions and self into consideration. The one who sighs deeply and slumps down, wondering if they are enough to be a representative? Do we want a leader who blurs the lines of reality so profoundly that others lose themselves in the gluttony of admiration? Do we want a leader who climbs so high on the scaffolding of praise that the faces below become shadows, no longer worth seeing? Or do we want a leader who cannot help but see those who walk beside them? Someone who knows who stands among them. The leader who can stand there and ask, ‘Why not me?’ but then will also see the beauty and strength in the people who are not below or behind them, but side by side. The figure who cannot help but also understand when to ask, ‘Why me?’

When we fall, we look up. I am a researcher on Cancel Culture and really on media literacy, yet I am posing questions and reflections about leaders. Why is it relevant to bring up leadership and politics?

In moments of crisis, conflict, isolation, or even celebration, people want others. Speaking in a literal sense, physically, we aren’t constantly falling. But emotionally, perhaps the beauty of humankind is that we endlessly feel as if we need to reach for more. The emotional turmoil of feeling the need to do more, be better, or change ourselves in some way can lead us to do the most human thing possible: seek out others. And social media, as an added ingredient, allows for options and privacy, especially if you are someone who is ashamed of your reasoning. Not only do you see other users follow this person, acknowledge a grounding of similar thinking, collective groupthink, but you also know that you aren’t alone. Leaders allow themselves to be anchors, and social media has cast an incredibly wide net for people in need of harboring.

So social media has allowed individuals to take a chance at becoming a commanding presence, a leader for many to follow. Sharing speeches, opinions, and even curated “relatable” moments online. Embodying certain values, identities, or causes. Which ultimately lets followers project personal meaning onto them. The more we see and hear from a leader through their in-person events and subsequent social media posts, the easier it is to feel like we “know” them. Then, whether the crisis may be collective or personal, they are always there. Fueling an emotional intensity of trust, attachment, or projection.

more to come…

I will admit I let myself get lost. I became unlike myself, consumed by someone else. Someone I knew from the very beginning did not deserve my whole heart. I knew, and yet I convinced myself they needed love. Maybe they did, who knows? Maybe it was me who needed the love (it was). I will not know, though, from today. I have said goodbye before, but today is different. Today, I step back into myself. Slowing down and rediscovering the question of who I am stepping back into.

At my center, I am filled with joy and care. Those are the values that I anchor to my identity. I am motivated. I know what I want and do not falter in the face of what gets in my way. Not because I am knocking down, pushing through, or setting people aside to do so, but the opposite. I am resilient in my motives by the deeply rooted support of my values. I live to find joy, and I breathe to care. I like control, even though I sometimes let myself lose it. I am infinite because I know I am nothing. I am special because I am not. I know while writing this, you all have had similar thoughts. I am someone who sees my way back every time, allowing myself to get lost in moments, people, and memories because that is what makes me whole. I enjoy the rediscovery of myself. I understand that to get lost is to live.

I'm stepping back into myself, yes. The motion being made, not without the understanding that each person I let in, each moment I allow myself to capture, changes who I am. So we can step back in, but we are also then stepping forward. Grasping the measurement even when it is as minuscule as a millimeter. Growth still happens even when it comes from people who made us believe that it was all a decline. We let a negative feedback loop of our deepest fears seep in when it comes to being lost:

Unable, not knowing, taken, gone, destroyed, and defeated.

It took a great deal of learning and training to allow myself to know that being unable, not knowing, losing control, and destroying who I am, embedding the philosophy of feeling defeated, is uncovering. (Holy shit, I just discovered being lost is discovery). It is the constant acceptance and forgiveness. To believe in myself in each of these periods where I know I am unanchored. Knowing I will find myself and a new version, and taking the time to understand the how and why. Then, taking it all in and feeling what I need so my joy and care can settle again. Ultimately, to foster the mindset of: one step back launches us two steps forward. Using my learnings from the vast open waters.

I don’t say this solely from a mending heart. How silly and profound that would really be. I know plenty of pain; the seeds from which grow different flowers, into a garden of abundance. I am constantly messing up, distracted, and so unbelievably emotional. I lose myself again and again. I get frustrated each time I do. I know all that I know, and I still feel deeply while knowing. I do allow each seed to grow, though. However, I always know when to anchor again. I step back, and writing this now is me doing so. Acknowledging the process. I am new, with a seed from a place I had not known for a flower that I will soon appreciate.

Uncovering a new flower is a gift, and to have a full garden, you must tend to what exists. Back to watering, weeding, and trimming:

I am going to be an author. I am going to raise those numbers on social media. And I will provide for my family, friends, and community. I will help build a better future because that is what I am here for. I am here for that reason, and I have always known it. Since the formation of my memories, I have received what I desired. It is who I am. The universe is not shy in gifting me. I unlocked the key discipline of nurturing my lost self to find myself.

This is the story of the future that I know I will receive, the focus I know that I have. The determination to know what to fight for. I am a person who loves life, I am grateful for it, even though I know what it’s like to see life in dullness, because I know the gifts of the universe. Being undiscoverable is uncovering. The love that surrounds infinitely. I am helping as many as I can. I am helping more and more as my time expands, and I will ensure that I am always this.

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Your garden will only grow abundant when you tend to what you don’t yet know.

Allow a positive feedback loop of our deepest trusts to rise when it comes to being found:

Capable, aware, guided, present, renewed, and victorious.

How cruel — to forbid people to want what they think is good for them. And yet that's just what you won't let them do when you get angry at their behavior. They're drawn toward what they think is good for them.

— But it's not good for them.

Then show them that. Prove it to them. Instead of losing your temper.

Marcus Aurelius

Currently, in my life, I have been presented with a complicated dynamic within a personal relationship. How confused my mind and heart have been. How someone whom I believe to be close to often left me in a state of puzzlement. Every time I thought I knew the picture of the puzzle, a new piece would throw me off. Frustration would naturally emerge. From this mysterious person, you see, my ego and values were at odds.

I wanted to believe in my heart that I could follow through with the identity I prefer: one who understands and shows unconditional love. However, my saddened ego would reveal itself and want to reflect their behavior. That's where the frustration would come in. To have someone in your life who makes you see the side of you that you don't want to show. You can't help but ask, Is this person worth these internal battles?

All in all, both sides of my identity are trying to protect me. However, each time I would convince myself to act with my ego, I would be halted. My higher self would step in, reminding myself that if I'm going to model love, compassion, and inner strength, it’s not about control.

As I read the above from Mediations, I thought about my own situation. This quote appeared before me, and I couldn't help but feel a sense of understanding. That I am annoyed. But even if I act the way they do, I know I wouldn't feel satisfied. Actually, I believe I would feel worse. Because then my consciousness kicks in, telling me that I need to be better. To show healthy, unconditional love. Because at the end of the day, I know they deserve that too.

That's when it dawned on me that this appears to be a prominent situation that many are going through. In the current political climate, many relationships are being unraveled with frustration. Hearts are heavy. And the weight is causing exhaustion.

How challenging it is to know someone needs love, but no matter how unconditional you are, it doesn't appear to be enough.

I suppose that's my reminder to you:

You can set boundaries without punishing.

You can step back without closing your heart.

You can love unconditionally and let go of control.

I think you're learning how to do that in real-time— painfully, imperfectly, beautifully.

My only Tip would be:

Taking emotional distance without bitterness. You can stop investing energy, but you don’t stop wishing them well.

Remind yourself:

“I love them, but I don’t need to fix them. They’re on their own path.”

My motto, always:

Open Mind = Open Heart 🫰

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As my brother would say, our parents were as busy as bees during the summers. They didn’t force us to get jobs or require that we attend summer school. Instead, we had countless days in their gardens. In other words, this is a polite way of me saying we had chores.

However, what once were considered our demanding summer duties —labours that exerted my energy and hours I not-so-secretly wanted to end —now take the spot as my favourite childhood memories.

When I was very young, my mom taught me how to take a tiny shovel (a garden trowel) and make a long line of holes for the petite bright pink and purple flowers while spilling out the knowledge of care:

1. Avoid making the holes too big

2. Don't put them too close together or too far apart

3. Gently remove the flowers from their containers so we don't hurt the roots,

4. And never overwater.

Then, we would plant what seemed like an endless amount, patting the ground after the final scoop of dirt was levelled out, allowing the roots to be fully covered and the stem to be comfortably aligned straight towards the sun.

As we aged, the more tasks we got, the tiny shovel turned into a giant that I lugged behind me, and the tiny holes for pretty flowers became me digging up weeds. When I got to the weed pulling age— that’s when it dawned upon me how damn large our gardens were, why did we have so many?! The worst garden chore was taking the immovable wheelbarrow back and forth, filled with thus said weeds and other unwanted remnants, to pile into the giant Home Depot heavy-duty paper bags. Those three-foot bags marked with the "Let's Do This" piled up along our curb. To say the least, the slogan looked me dead in the eye and mocked me.

My parents spent hours on the weekends, and my mom doubled the time nursing their gardens. Yes, gardens, plural, to be exact; we had three gardens. The front house garden featured bright pink and purple flowers, including petunias, geraniums, and vincas. They followed the steps to our front door, and if you stood on the sidewalk directly in front of the house, it was all you would see. There was a lilac tree, which marked the path to our backyard, where we had the second, side-house garden, with more bush-like flowers, including peonies, Russian sage, coneflowers, and hostas.

After opening our giant wooden gate, your first sight would be our weeping cherry tree and hydrangeas. You would enter what was once my serenity: the comfort shades of blue, pink, and lavender from the ball-shaped hydrangeas, and the fountain of white in the background from the weeping tree, with its slender branches gracefully billowing barely over the ground. It was then, along the right side of our backyard, past our patio, after our deck, where our last garden was. It was filled with the scents of summer meals, featuring herbs and produce plants like strawberries, tomatoes, basil, and oregano.

My favorite year was when we grew watermelon, and at the end of the summer, we finally got to try what took so long to develop. My first bite into what was grown by my own two hands. And it tasted like shit, not ripe at all. But the excitement of seeing a whole watermelon grow in my backyard was worth it all.

Each summer, there were countless calls from my mom telling me to water the plants. Making many of my texts to friends, "I'll be there later," I begin my race to finish. For a very long time, and with a juvenile mindset, I would think of the flowers as dumb. I only wanted to spend as much time as possible hanging out with my friends. I didn't understand why they put so much effort into something that ultimately died with the fall and winter seasons.

It seemed like insanity, the endless loop of demanding work and then to be once again covered in a blanket of white. Until the spring indicator, when I would walk into a classroom to see new, bright-coloured posters, often featuring flowers, and hear teachers echoing, "April showers bring May flowers," to indicate that the summer chores would come soon enough.

As a kid, I didn’t appreciate the gardens or having a green thumb at all. Fighting the hose, trying to stretch it across the yard, digging dirt with a shovel the size of me, and hauling the wheelbarrow were all irritating, time-consuming tasks. I spent many years being a pesky child to my mother, nagging her about flowers and saying off-colour comments that were probably inappropriate for my age. (Don’t worry, I didn’t and would never swear at my mother.)

I look back on my childhood: those aching tasks, the hot sun beating down, the absentminded excitement of showering and being with my friends, and my parents' hours of unbothered, joy-filled focus. And I’m nothing but thankful my parents made our house a place of care and love, not just for our family and the dog, but for all living organisms.

Flowers are living, flowers are gorgeous, and flowers are symbols of esteemed love, three lessons my parents taught me. Similar to the lectures we learn from being a pet owner at a young age, I was taught how challenging it is to raise them. They don't need walks, their food is not at the same time of day, and they don't need to learn tricks. But yet, each flower and species requires a lot of attention and time. You must be gentle, patient, and respectful while continually gaining knowledge on how to take appropriate action for each situation. Each summer, we welcomed a new addition to our family.

Learning a different form of love.

II. Not One With the Green Thumb

Okay, so she wants me to start gardening; now I have to add a green thumb to my list of do -- is what you might be thinking from my charming childhood story. No, no, no. That is not the takeaway here; I do not want to impose a hobby on you to try to learn life lessons about nurturing and hard work.

The lesson we can learn from our gorgeous flower friends is the lesson of adaptability. Cliche, I know! But yet, the lesson doesn’t seem to stick for many of us. We get confused about being our honest, true selves, that it must mean that if someone doesn’t like us, then well, (let's add the real, colourful language here)!

And well, that could be for many reasons. Finding that confidence and inner acceptance is a wonderful thing. However, it has also led many down the path of discomfort with others. Not knowing how to be in the same room, talk with, or even accept people who need different forms of care to grow and receive love.

You can take the same flowers in the same garden, and yet one could be dying because of a neglected detail, like not having enough direct sunlight. As the gardener, it is your duty to care, to gain the knowledge to learn and adapt so that the flower can flourish like the others. You can take the same house, the same street, or the same pinpointed place on a map, and you will see similar flowers; yet, they all require different forms of attention and care.

No matter who we allow into our lives, the rooms we enter, or the places we travel, it is our obligation to be adaptable. Adaptabilty is a form of love: it involves empathy, time, and respect.

I'm not saying you need to start gardening to understand how to be adaptable, but it wouldn't be a bad place to start. I am grateful that I was taught this form of love by my parents, and I know many others would open new doors to understanding each other more, and what it actually means to love your neighbours, friends, family, and strangers.

To Adapt - To learn, love, and respect others.

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Having goals is hard. Although it is one of the best parts about being a person in today's time, with the abundant resources we have at our fingertips, it is also extremely challenging. We are told to dream big as children, but eventually, those big goals we all desire are either shut down by their unrealistic requirements, or we pursue them, and then the pressure of the goal is more damaging than rewarding.

When we accomplish them, they are fun, fulfilling, and motivational. But it’s okay to admit that the process of goal achievement can also, at times, suck.

So let’s talk honestly about our goals and the 3 G’s that come with every single one.

(P.S. I hope you read the title in a voice from the gloriously insane movie Dodgeball)

Grind:

The go-to for motivation-seeking, goal-acquiring, and all-amazing superhuman is grind baby! Every time an individual on this planet sparks an idea in their head and adopts the courage to begin a challenging journey, they most often jump to the internet. Either at the very beginning or a little bit later down the road, we find ourselves seeking motivation for how to really plunge into and work towards what we want. And no matter what the source and search, we stumble upon plenty of content to which the very accomplished and successful person will say that you need ‘Grind.’

And yes, it’s true, you do. Unless you are a very lucky individual who gets their dream first go, then, well...that’s just an outlier. But we all know what I'm talking about, right?

The all-jacked-up dude feast of a podcast show that makes videos for TikTok and Instagram, saying some version of ‘to win, you need to grind, grind, grind.’ And their cherry on top is that you need to stop complaining and being a loser. They are extremely tense and have the right idea, but are a little too close to the line of fear tactics.

Or the out-of-touch CEO who says in their TED Talk, 'yes, you can! Be...just like me…. just climb that corporate ladder’ because, you know…no way they continue to benefit from that advice. I mean, hey, if you want to climb that corporate ladder to be a CEO, CFO, or COO, then cool, go for it and listen to that advice. Your grind will then actually be climbing the ladder.

But most often, as you can tell, the advice for grinding is diminishing and daunting when you have a goal in mind. The fear of rejection, failure, and others leads us to extreme self-doubt.

Honestly, all of those people making those videos and sharing their knowledge are not wrong. You need to find the grind, but you need to find it for you and by you. Understand that some ideas, goals, or dreams fizzle out, and that’s okay. We shouldn’t beat ourselves up for wanting something for ourselves. I like to live in a mindset of opening every door because at least I was never left with a ‘what if.’ The experience from each goal I have had, failed or successful, has a place in my heart for who I was at that time. I think it’s pretty cool to look at old ideas; at least, we can say we have always been trying.

Eventually, one or some of those goals really do stick; we find the motivation, thoughts, and care that naturally push us to new areas. So we glide into the next phase.

Grit:

Then we enter into the second G of our GGGGoals– Grit. Grind and Grit are comparable; often, we use both interchangeably. But Grit is after, as grind is a state in which you have accomplished a flow.

Sometimes we set a goal for ourselves, and it fails, then we go into this self-loathing attitude of internal bullying, saying we will never accomplish anything. To that, I would say once again, change your mindset to believing it’s pretty cool that you tried something. If you are going to bully yourself for trying and failing, then switch those gears and force yourself into altering your attitude and the way you talk to yourself first. You can’t be your own enemy, and it pulls you down the wrong path.

“Nothing comes to full blossom before its time. Trying to force your art, or having it forced by the relentless demands of success, can often cause the blossoming to be false and fragile and less than it ultimately could be”

-Kent Nerburn

When you do reach the state in which the goal is one you stick to and are consistently motivated for, it becomes a passion project, and you intrinsically act on it every day. That is when you have found your grind and evolved into a state of flow.

Grit is where you use that flow and allow the failures to be nothing but bumps in the road that steer you in a direction that still leads to goal endurance. Grit is learning the steel attitude of ‘I'm going to do this no matter what.’ It is also accepting transformation in the process and being able to mold yourself into whatever direction it takes.

It’s okay that you discover something months or years in, and you have to shift what you were doing– I actually think that’s the whole point! Learning along the way that the method of achievement demands imperative comfort in change. It’s frustrating at the moment, and provide yourself the time to be annoyed about it, but eventually, it will be looked at as just a part of the process.

Gratitude:

Once you achieve that flow from the passion project and then alter your mind to withstand the confusing process of change, that is when gratitude can take its deserved place. The third G is the most rewarding part of any goal process.

Grind and Grit are still both rewarding, as the manifold and generous lessons they teach hold honourable significance. But gratitude is when we are able to find the smiles and joy of thinking, ‘I just did that.’ And not necessarily from even accomplishing the main goal-- it could be from one of the more miniature moments. It is the gratitude you give yourself for being in flow and tackling the bumps. Being able to laugh at some inconvenience that is in your way and trusting yourself to not only push through but also be thankful for the lesson that will be gained.

I know it seems silly and far-fetched. I remember starting this writing journey, often feeling overwhelmed and thinking to myself that a lot of these ideas I'm preaching are just a phoney facade portrayed by successful people to push their own content.

I attended a virtual conference from the Nonfiction Association to learn the ins and outs of the publishing process. After months of writing, staying in on the weekends, and pushing myself to be in the dedication process of goal achievement, I got hit with a difficult reality check. I had to rethink and ditch most of what I convinced myself was the right way of achieving my goals.

After I processed the three days of information, I allowed myself an hour of being hindered. I lay down on my yoga mat outside, watched the clouds, and cried. And a younger version of myself could've easily let that crying go on for hours, which then would've led me down that self-loathing path, ultimately to my own failure. I used to believe that goals were only deemed successful by external praise and, well, money. However, it only lasted an hour because I did, in fact, start laughing. And that laughter was because it kind of felt right-- it was becoming my lesson of grit. And after that crying, I quickly started thinking of ideas to shift.

You see, I wasn’t actually upset or discouraged, I was too far into my flow. I understood I needed to grieve and move on from my assumptions to be able to continue the pursuit.

Lo and behold, a few weeks later, again staring at the clouds and starting the journey of this blog, I felt nothing but thankful for not only wanting but also working with adaptability. I felt pride. And feeling pride in yourself for working towards a goal is a feeling that is almost indescribable– it’s a combination of feeling transcended and consumed with appreciation.

An indescribable, dazzling moment that is for yourself by yourself.

That is the third G of a GGGGoal. And there is nothing more human than being in the process of achieving a goal. I still haven’t achieved my primary goal, but the three G’s of this GGGoal have made me understand the best part of being a human on this planet, which is trying.

We indeed live in a world where resources are available anywhere and everywhere. When thought about, especially in concern with one's plans, it is an intense concept to withstand. That’s why sometimes shit will fail, and we feel as if the universe, God, or the people around us want to see us fail. But no one and nothing is; that’s just because this is an overwhelming society, and the 3 G’s of ANY goal, big or small, is frustrating.

If you genuinely desire your Goal, you'll find your Grind, Grit, and Gratitude.

“It takes a long time to bring excellence to maturity.”

-Publilius Syrus

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The Courage to Be Disliked is one of those books that people either love and appreciate or sincerely hate with a fiery passion that gets the fingers zooming. Written by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga and grounded in Alfred Adler's psychology, the book has amassed a cult following, especially among those grappling with questions of identity, purpose, and self-worth.

And yet, despite its bestseller status, I believe it needs a new name.

Not because the title is bad. It's bold, provocative, and speaks to the book’s core message. Spoiler alert: The core message was that you don't need universal approval; you can live the life you want to live. But in today’s social and political climate, especially amid conversations around mental health, trauma, and masculinity, the name doesn’t do the book justice. It invites controversy before curiosity, and that’s a disservice to what the book actually offers.

In an era where young men are increasingly vocal about loneliness, disconnection, and lack of purpose, The Courage to Be Disliked can become a guidebook for rethinking life’s meaning. The book explores how our past does not define us, how we can break free from the need for validation, and how our inferiority complexes can crush or propel us. These ideas resonate deeply at a time when the "male loneliness epidemic" is dominating headlines.

Yet, many critics argue the book feels out of touch with real-world hardship. Some say it reads like a pipe dream, asking us to change our perception while ignoring systemic and structural realities. Others took issue with its treatment of trauma, feeling it shifts blame onto the victim. And you know what? I get that.

But this isn’t self-help fluff. It’s a theory, Adlerian psychology. A framework for how we can live, not a perfect description of how we do. It’s not about ignoring trauma but asking: how can we move forward without being trapped by it? That’s a deeply uncomfortable question. But maybe that’s the point…

I’d argue we’re worse off because we don’t make room for discomfort anymore. As readers, we’re quick to rate one-star reviews if something doesn’t align 100% with our worldview. We’re allergic to nuance. And yet, what Adler teaches, especially his take on reward, punishment, and moral responsibility, could not be more relevant today.

He warns that when we raise people using only external motivators like punishment or praise, we create individuals who act without an internal moral compass. Just scroll through your feed. You’ll see this play out in digital behaviour, for example, trolling, clout-chasing, and performative activism. Adler’s theory explains this with precision.

“We do not walk in order to compete with someone.”
“The one who boasts does so only out of a feeling of inferiority.”

What we can take away from this book is the invitation to reflect on how we’re showing up in the world.

So yes, the book is flawed in parts. It’s not for everyone. It shouldn’t be applied blindly to every aspect of life. But what it does offer is clarity, empowerment, and a push to live intentionally, which is sorely needed right now.

And maybe that’s why the title should evolve. Not to soften the message, but to make space for the possibility that a book can challenge us and still be good. That we don’t have to love or hate something entirely. It's okay to sit in the grey area, taking what helps and leaving what doesn’t.

We need more messages like that.
We need more books like this.

What would you rename it if you’ve read the book, or even just this post?
Drop your thoughts in the comments. I’d love to hear your ideas! :)

My ideas below:

1. The Fight of Your Life

2. Own Your Mind

3. Build Yourself - Not Your Image

4. How to Be Alone

5. Rewriting Your Story

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'How The TikTok Algorithm Works in 2025'

TikTok’s algorithm is evolving toward SEO-based ranking

Recent updates to TikTok’s algorithm, pointed out by Metricool’s blog, show a clear shift. Content is now being prioritized based on search terms, not just watch time or engagement. This marks a move toward an SEO-style content discovery model, which rewards creators who align their content with what users are actively searching for.

In theory, this might sound like a good thing—it could help users find exactly what they’re looking for. But in practice? Let’s break it down.

• TikTok is now prioritizing content based on search terms, not just watch time or engagement.

• It pushes videos that align with trending or “safe” topics more than controversial or niche ones.

• This algorithmic shift limits the reach of advocacy, political critique, or non-mainstream voices, especially if they don’t match monetizable or brand-safe themes.

What this means:

The platform promotes videos focusing more on popular or safe topics than on controversial or niche subjects. This change in the algorithm reduces the visibility of advocacy, political critique, or non-mainstream voices, particularly if they do not fit in with brand-friendly or monetizable themes. This could mean that creators who talk about systemic injustice, marginalized identities, or political accountability often see their content ignored or restricted from the new algorithm updates. This could happen no matter how they express their ideas or how accurate or well-intentioned they are.

So, is that what we really see?

Please check out this Instagram post from Vote in Or Out, highlighting extreme concern in their comment sections.

Post Link.

What we see in the screenshot and video doesn’t match those new guidelines now, does it?

• Creators and users (like @voteinorout) are experiencing suppressed visibility or outright blocks on harmless words.

• Some users are reporting reduced engagement, even when their content is non-harmful—often affecting liberal, progressive, or activist accounts.

What we are seeing is a form of algorithmic silencing. This fits into a larger pattern of platform governance under political influence, where tech companies align with or respond to government pressures—in this case, the Trump administration’s agenda.

What we’re seeing, both in the algorithm article and the comments, is a live example of platform governance in action. TikTok and Instagram are shifting from engagement-first platforms to policy-influenced ecosystems. We’re watching what happens when government pressure and algorithmic power collide. Especially under a political climate where leadership is becoming increasingly unapologetic.

A Pattern of Political Influence in Platform Governance

This issue isn't isolated. It aligns with a broader trend in which tech platforms respond quietly to government pressures. Especially under the Trump administration’s renewed influence.

Here’s what that pattern looks like:

• Targeting dissenting or marginalized voices, including liberal, LGBTQ+, disabled, and BIPOC creators

• Promoting “anti-woke” rhetoric under the guise of "neutrality" or "fairness"

• Introducing moderation tools and AI filters that flag content aligned with social justice movements while allowing inflammatory or bigoted content to remain visible

• Encouraging tech companies to enforce vague standards of “bias” or “safety” that disproportionately impact progressive voices

Why This Matters?!

If it wasn’t obvious already. This raises major questions:

• Who decides what’s “harmful” or “inappropriate”?

• How are all moderation tools being influenced politically?

• Is shadowbanning a type of hidden censorship based on beliefs they're trying to feed us?

This isn’t just about TikTok being banned or possible AI Bots on Instagram. It’s about the erosion of free expression in digital spaces under the pressure of politics, profit, and a false sense of neutrality. TikTok and Instagram are no longer just engagement-driven platforms.

They’re becoming gatekeepers of discourse, selectively amplifying what fits a certain narrative. A narrative I remind you that is shaped by power, not people. What we’re watching unfold across algorithms, flagging systems, and “invisible” blocks is not just censorship.

It’s a quiet recalibration of truth. It’s a subtle but thoughtful adjustment in our understanding of what is true. This process unfolds quietly, allowing us to reassess our beliefs and perceptions without disruption.

And if we don’t call it out now? Our political landscape will only be further divided.

I know who I am. I love who I am. I like what I do, and I like how I do it. And I like my mistakes, and I like the way I learn. And the pace with which I learn from my mistakes. I don't want to be anyone else but me”

-Zoe Saldana

Truthfully, I have been in a motivation funk. Some may call it writer's block, and I guess that’s what it is, but it also feels like that doesn’t do justice to what’s happening inside my mind—what happens in all of our minds from time to time.

It’s difficult, though, isn’t it? Just being a person. You don’t even have to be in pursuit of anything to have that block inside of you, that weird feeling that mocks the color grey. It’s not a devastating feeling like anything on the black or red spectrum, but it’s definitely nothing like yellow, green, or blue.

It is being in limbo. And the weirdest part of it all is that I don’t necessarily hate it. It almost feels like when you are buffering, waiting to fully load so you can plunge into the next burst of motivation.

It almost feels good to be grey at times, like that’s also a human experience that is so uncomplicated-- yet so oddly beautiful. The simplistic nature of being content, trusting yourself, and breathing, knowing that, yes, something else is coming, but it doesn’t need to be rushed into your life right now.

Maybe those moments when things seem a bit grey are our bodies kindly nudging us to give our minds a break and enjoy the here and now. The grey feeling is a reminder that it’s okay to be and that a part of self-discovery is also resting in the present.

I returned from a nine-day solo vacation, was rather busy with my 9-5, and had my weekends filled with plans. At first, I was upset with myself for not immediately jumping back into my healthy routines and grinding goal pursuits. I mean, I was still acting on them, but not with my usual intense energy; I wasn’t feeling the colors of life.

Instead, I was grey. And after weeks of being in grey, I can feel the colors inside me spark back into bursting notions. After reflecting, I'm happy I was unmotivated for a while; I was simply in a different state of flow, which typically has a bad reputation.

It was still a flow, and it was one that, when considered, can actually be changed to a peaceful demeanor. I talk a lot about being stuck, finding motivation, and putting pieces together to allow your dreams to come true.

But that grey state, those bland feelings, are needed as well. So, I don’t know if you are feeling grey and upset. This is just a reminder to say it’s okay!

An all-grey canvas is still one that can be painted on.

Stay connected with me on our life journeys—>

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Please, I’m sorry.

That sucks, sorry.

I feel sorry for them.

Awe, sorry.

Yikes, sorry.

I’m so sorry that happened.

Sorry, Sorry, Sorry!

Although supposedly coming from endearment, the words ‘I’m sorry’ frequently trouble me. Similar to most of the English language, the word has formed a relationship with laziness. It is the word murmured, spit, and rolled off our tongues without conscious thought.

For many, we have the basic average human senses to know when something is wrong. When we say things we shouldn't, when we act out of character, or when those around us do, we are able to judge based on other individuals' facial expressions or body language. We have come to note typical behavioral patterns.

You know when you make a not-so-funny joke to a friend, and their face immediately scorns or frowns? The class clown sits quietly to themselves in the classroom, not speaking. When you take the train after work, the person sitting in front of you has their face in their hands, elbows to the knees, and you can hear their deep sighs; you know they had a shit day.

Whether a loved one or a stranger, we often take the initiative and ask what’s wrong.

Our keen senses turn us into loving, brave soldiers answering the beckoning calls of distress. With our heads held high and our chests puffed forward, we pull out our shiny silver swords and ask the sorrowed individual how they are doing. We did it; we showed empathy, dammit. They let out their issues, begin flowing out a release of what’s bothering them, and start to feel consolation action as they are finally gauging in a conversation that hopefully provides comfort or understanding.

They are speaking from within, and there you are, trailing off, feeling profoundly empowered from the action you took for that individual; you are polishing that shiny, untarnished sword and admiring your perceptive abilities.

Finally, they are done speaking,

“Awe yeah damn, that sucks, I’m sorry.”

We have all been from both perspectives: courageous knights and sorrowful individuals. But when you are the one that feels down, and you can’t help but show your emotions in a public setting, that bullshit knight desperately sucks. From the point of view of the saddened individual, I am always left speechless, unheard, or with the feeling that is best represented by an “Okay???” wondering why the hell they just asked how I was doing, especially if they were just going to say that they're sorry and nothing else.

Taking the responsibility of trying to comfort someone is a brave act, but it should not be done for your own ego boost. Similar to the beliefs of karma, you can not intend to do good, so you feel better about yourself. Taking the leap and asking about another's well-being, only half to listen or give the lazy “I’m sorry” response, does not help them, but only your ego. We all want to be mindful of courageous knights coming to the rescue when a fellow is down, but you must consider the actual effort you are willing to put in.

When you feel the words spill out of your mouth, ask yourself why. Why are you sorry?

Do you pity them? Are you feeling their pain? Do you understand and feel it yourself, so it's surfacing emotions? Are you uncomfortable? Do you just not know what to say at the moment? Shocked, perhaps? Do you want the conversation to end? Do you think what they are saying is wrong? Or do you not care?

Why do the words, I’m sorry, play such a huge role in our dialect when they are often not how we feel? The conditioning in our society has allowed us not to be able to focus on one issue or on one person for 30 seconds.

More often than not, ‘I’m sorry’ is an easy escape. Eventually, the conversation we didn’t want to have is over, and we can go on about our issues, our thoughts, and our day; even better, our batteries are now full with the boosting of the ego we just received from showcasing the most basic form of caring giving us a jump start energy boost to worry about ourselves. True heroes, we have become with easy access to the words “I'm sorry.” True heroes (and actors), we can embody with the quick ability to whip out the words to almost any situation we need be. We don't need any of the Marvel squad because we have the two ultimate power words that seem to solve every issue known to man!

Bump into someone? I’m sorry. You’re so considerate!

Being a bully and getting caught or called out? Sorry, I didn’t mean it. Man, I mean, now they must know you didn’t actually believe what you said!

Cheat but not mean it? Sorry, it won’t happen again. Totally a one-time thing. Of course, it won’t!

Did someone just share something unfathomable with you? Awe, sorry. Well, now they must feel alleviated, nice!

This feels like a giant rant, and I guess it kind of is, but the words “I'm sorry” feel like an out-of-touch opt-out for the one thing we all have in common: feeling. We have complex emotions that change within seconds, and sometimes, we do not even understand what's going on inside our minds and bodies. Sometimes, it's necessary. I'm not saying we shouldn't ever say sorry; sometimes, it's the only appropriate response we can give. However, I believe we can be and do better by connecting with friends, family, and even strangers by taking the initiative of having more to say.

‘I’m sorry’ is causing a disconnect between us, a quick shutdown to the possibility of learning from each other and strengthening the emotions we all have inside us.

Why only say ‘im sorry.’?